Christian things that make me want to barf
October 9, 2006
Gag. I had to re-shelf this piece o’ insanity tonight in the library. I can seriously not believe that someone actually came up with this, thought it was a good idea, and then got some company to market it.
I am particulary fond of the way they allude to missionary life being “one giant game of laughter and strategy.” Good one. I’m sure all the people I worked with during the last two years of life would completely agree. I could tell you missions life is a game of all kinds of different things, but I don’t think laughter and strategy would be the hallmark characteristics. And frankly, I wouldn’t call it a game.
Besides just being a load of crap, I think the makers of this game got their missiology off the back of a Cracker Jack box. Here’s what can happen to you while on a mission trip in Germany:
- You win five members of a cult to Jesus. Other members chase you to a train station. You escape. Gain 50 blessings.
- You lose all of your luggage and tracts because of neglect. More will have to be sent to you. Lose 25 blessings. (Because until the new tracts get there, you’ll have to actually spend time talking with people. You’ll only be able to share the message with 4 people per day as opposed to 423.)
- You make a better effort to learn German to be a better witness. Gain 25 blessings. (I guess all that time without tracks made you frustrated enough to decide that perhaps you should engage the culture.)
What I want to know is how come getting chased by hooligans gets you 50 blessings, but trying to learn the language only gets 25. That’s crap.
My personal favorite is when on a trip to Poland, you lose 25 blessings for smuggling in French Bibles instead of Polish ones. What kind of freakin’ idiot are you??? And what mission board lets someone that stupid go to another country?
Anyway, if you’re up for a giant game of laughter and strategy, Missionary Conquest is all yours for the low, low price of $29.99.
Just don’t ask me to play it with you.
justjen
I actually did laugh when I saw the box said “No Bible knowledge required…”
(groan) joj people!
And I just can’t believe they used the word “conquest”! Yikes! scary throwback to crusader days! Please God no!
LeAnne - I thought that was hilarious too. I chose not to mention it in the post so that I could save some of the insanity for readers to discover on their own. Glad you caught it!!
It kills me that we even have the game b/c that approach to missions is so NOT my seminary. I am assuming it’s been floating around here for awhile.
my personal favorite is the losing blessings to smuggle bibles that are the wrong language. ha! i’m surprised that it takes away blessings instead of giving you lashes!
Actually, I love this game. I found your blog looking for the game to buy online. I found the concept hilarious. I spent 15 years in Africa as a missionary’s kid, so I know what missions is about. You’re right, certainly. And God DOES use “mishaps” to His purposes. Not “losing blessings” at all. But the game isn’t intended to be serious. Or missiologically correct. Or whatever. It’s totally tongue-in-cheek, cuz you’re right, the missiology is all jacked up.
The best part is being brought before the board of elders if you get into trouble over something and the rest of the players (or board members) can slam you and “take countries” or blessings from you.
Really bad name in today’s context though. >_< I think it was made in the 90’s before 9/11.