Overcoming bad habits

I just want to publicly declare that I played a little volleyball Monday night and for the first time probably ever, I didn’t utter a single swear word. Yes, I freely used words like dang it, fudge, shooters, bugger, jeez, son of a gun, Judas and many, many more that I am not sure I want to remember. But as far as I can recall, I didn’t swear once. Which is a vast improvement, considering what happened during a volleyball game at the beginning of the school year last year.

Living in the closet…forsaking your lover…

With a title like that, I doubt you were expecting to read a post about baseball.  But that’s what it is - just a post about baseball.

But here’s the deal…I may be on the brink of forsaking my lover.  It didn’t happen on purpose, and I am only just beginning to admit it to myself.

I have all but cheated on the Cubbies.  I have been lusting after the D’backs in my heart.

Living in Arizona for the summer messed with my head in so many ways, but who knew that desert sun could shoot its blazing hot arrows of love into my honest, pure, Midwestern, Cub-loving heart.  I mean, really, it would be much more scandalous and even expected for me to have an affair with the Twins or Atlanta, my high school sweetheart.

I didn’t realize I had such strong feelings for the D’backs.  This summer, I even tried to mock them.  But they grow on you.  Might be the new-old style stadium.  Or the shrewd and passionate desire of the owner to develop a solid franchise.  It could have been the overwhelming number of Hispanic families that attend the home games.  It could have been all those things.

Come to think of it though, I am pretty sure it was the pool they have in the outfield stands.  And the very dashing young men that fill up the roster.  (Hell…if those dashing young men were filling up the pool, this would straight up be the great divorce.)

So here I sit.  It’s game three.  The Cubs are down 4-1.  If they lose tonight it’s all over.  The problem is that from the first inning of game one, my heart has been betraying me.  Eric Byrnes cuts one over the wall.  I ‘argh’ out loud, but I ‘woo hoo’ on the inside.  Cubs up, bases loaded, one out…instead of hoping for the ball to fall into a whole in right center, I’m mentally trying to conjure up a grounder to short.

What a sick, sick soul.  I am so confused.  Cubs…Diamondbacks…they’ve played my heart and messed with my head.  What can I do?  If the Cubs lose, do I cheer on Arizona?  I am not a bandwagon jumper, but oh how I would hate to reveal my little love affair.  Jumping the bandwagon or cheating…which is worse?  I could try to convince myself to cheer for the D’backs on the grounds of wanting the guy that beat us to win it all b/c apparently that makes us look like better losers.  If I do that, Eric Byrnes, Chris Young and the beautiful Mr. Jeff Cirillo, will you all think I have betrayed you?

still need to post

I do, I do, I do.  I do need to post.  I need to catch ya’ll up on my life (that of course is making the assumption that anyone reading actually cares).

I need to write about joy…about how the joy of my salvation returned.  And how I’m trying to make sure it stays.

I want to write about the many tangled up, broken down hearts that are part of my life.  But I won’t.

I will, however, write about this amazing concept regarding the largeness and smallness of our inner spaces.  The larger your inner space, the more you can hold inside in a healthy manner.  My inner space is growing, so I don’t need to let all I’d like to say about the broken hearts spill over.  I want to write, but I don’t need to.  That probably doesn’t make much sense.  I am going to do my best to fill you in a bit more.

I need to tell you how torn I am over the first round of the MLB play-offs.  My beloved Cubs are playing the Arizona Diamondbacks, a team I’ve gained appreciation for.  The Cubs keep losing.  Argh.  I think if the Dbacks win, they’ll make it to the World Series.

Oh…and I need to tell you about Webkinz.  I am totally addicted.  It’s an insane plot to turn the children of America into online power shoppers.

So that’s all.  I’m way busy this semester.  I really want to write about all this.  We’ll see what happens.