I’m a woman, a wife, a mother, an amateur theologian and a social worker. In that order. Sometimes I play all five roles decently. More often than not though, it seems like I’m doing maybe one of them well and the others pretty half-ass. I should try to put a more positive spin on that, or perhaps a more philosophical one, but I don’t know what else to say.
I started this blog eight whole years ago because I thought I had some clever, profound, important things to say. At that time, what I wrote about did feel pretty clever, profound and important. I had a small following. I felt good about myself and my ability to write. Seminary came and went and I discovered I wasn’t such a good writer after all. My life got busier (namely due to the inclusion of a husband and step-daughter) and my world became some sort of confusing, mottled blurry continuum of events. I began to feel less clever and certainly less profound. The things I had to say didn’t seem so much more important than anything else anybody else had to say, so more or less, I quit writing.
I’ve recently realized that I’ve been living my life in the order of social worker, mother, wife, woman, amateur theologian. Living my roles in that order is neither healthy for me, nor is it helpful for the others in my life. Bit by bit I’ve tried to reorder my life. I’ve started cross-stitching, coloring mandalas, playing the trumpet again, worked at reading more, doing some yoga. So I thought I’d start writing again too.
It seems that the spirit behind my blog from the beginning holds true still now. I wrote in 2006 and will reiterate today: Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. ~ Psalm 51:12
And a right-on-the-money spin on it from The Message says it even better: Don’t throw me out with the trash or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!
The joy of salvation. A willing spirit. The acknowledgement of the grayness that sometimes surrounds me. The promise that a breath of His holiness can overtake a day’s worth of weariness.
My hope is that this blog will be a place for me to share and explore all the things He has sent to sustain me. Laughter, tunes, random stories and some deeper ponderings. I hope it will all find a place here.